Spirituality Within Your Marriage: The Fairy-tale, and the Simple Truth.

By: Anousha Vakani

The Muslim Fairy-tale

It’s an hour before Fajr and you gently nudge your spouse awake. It’s time for Tahajjud, you whisper. You spring out of bed, there's no time to scroll through Instagram first, you have to start your morning off just right. You even remember to smile at each other in the mirror above your double vanity. Everybody knows couples that wudu together, stay together. 

You pray Tahajjud and update your shared dua list as you wait for Fajr. After Fajr, it’s time to bring the coffee to your front porch. You talk about the day ahead, admire the Tahajjud noor on each other’s faces and watch the sunrise. 

The Exaggerated Reality

*Rewind.*

It’s an hour before Fajr and you’ve set an alarm on your spouse’s phone instead of your own. You’re so tired you don’t even hear it. After the third snooze, your spouse’s gentle nudges have turned into (friendly, but firm) kicks that throw you out of bed.

You trudge to the bathroom, splash cold water on your face and squeeze in two rakahs of Tahajjud before placing the blaring Fajr alarm right into your spouse’s eardrum. 

You gotta do what you gotta do. 

The Plain and Simple Truth

Real-life is a bit of a mashup of both the scenarios above. As couples, or in any relationship really, you have a responsibility to gently remind each other to stay on top of your religious obligations. 

But will your faith ever be in sync?

Probably not. Faith works in a more seesaw motion. It goes up and down, at varying speeds and degrees and it’s absolutely normal to not be in the same mindset at any given moment. 

The Most Important Truth

Your relationship with Allah is separate + different from your spouse’s relationship with Allah. 

Your relationship with Allah is more important than any other worldly relationship. 

BUT...

All that being said, there are still ways to get closer to Allah as a family. It is always important to keep deen as a central part of your life through small changes in your shared lifestyle and schedule:

• Share video lectures or quotations that you come across. Leave your thoughts on them and have a healthy discussion over dinner. What I like about this is that you get a glimpse into your spouse’s spirituality and understand what they’re concerned or struggling with. 

• Hold each other accountable! This is so important. Are one of you struggling with a certain prayer, do you need help remembering your morning adhkar or Surah Mulk before bed? Send each other non-judgmental reminders. It's so easy to get frustrated but as adults, our final decisions should be ours alone. 

• Be a part of your local masjid. I love this one! There’s nothing like attending the masjid together, praying in the same congregation, mingling with your fellow Muslims and coming back spiritually rejuvenated. Snowy drives back from Masjid nights are some of my absolute favorite things. 

What are some of your tried and tested tips to grow closer to Allah as a family?